doors
by steindrick
Summary: beca realises that chloe is slowly falling out of love with her... and she decides to confront her about it. (was titled 'him'.)
1. chapter 1: him

\- beca's pov -

we were sat in front of the fireplace, the silence in the room haunting, the tension felt between us unsettling.

"chloe, why?"

"beca let's not talk-"

she pulled her lip underneath her teeth, chewing at the skin. she stared at the floor, focused on the marble patterns.

"look at me."

she didn't look up.

"how long for, chloe?"

my breathing was coming in at short intervals, every heartbeat a thud against my ribcage.

"i don't know what you're talking about beca." her jaw clenched, the words barely seeping out through the small gap.

" _bullshit._ " the words flew out of my mouth, sounding more sarcastic and toxic than i had intended it to be. chloe shuddered, blinked, and glanced up at me.

"what do you want to know? what fucking information do you need?" she mirrored my tone, her fist clenching tightly, knuckles turning white.

"chloe beale, just tell me, how long?" i suddenly sounded so much weaker. to keep this conversation going, i needed to be angry. or at least, act like i was furious. at the woman in front of me, at the woman i loved yet hated so much at the same time.

"fine! three months. you wanted to know right? well there you fucking go."

the words hit me like a punch in the face.

"three months."

"three _fucking_ months. better?"

my mind flashed back to three months ago. we were sitting in the exact same room, in front of the fireplace. i remember crying into her chest, confessing to her that i felt like she was slowly falling out of love with me. she had stroked my back, telling me that i was overthinking it. those were lies. those were fucking lies.

i cried back then. she didn't.

"chloe... remember that conversation three months ago?"

her expression suddenly softened. her baby blue eyes gazed into mine.

"beca no i swear-"

"i was right, wasn't i?" my voice calm, but the thoughts running though my brain weren't. "you were falling out of love with me then, weren't you?"

"beca no, i promise, i wasn't."

"oh but you fell in love with him didn't you?"

there was no denying that. she broke our eye contact, turning to stare instead out the window. it was a sunny, fine day, perfect for a nice date, perfect for a walk in the park with a loved one.

i looked at her. she was indeed beautiful. her ginger red hair, although messy, was flowing down her shoulders. her figure was slim, her arms and legs toned to perfection. i let my eyes flutter shut in an attempt to forget about everything for a single second. i wanted nothing more than to run into her arms and sob into her chest; i wanted to feel her warm embrace, holding me even closer to her; i wanted to return to a place i once called home. i wanted to go back in time, and not fall in love with the beautiful ginger redhead who begged me to audition for a university acapella group.

a pair of arms pulled me into a warm embrace. i was all too familiar with the space around me, the sweet scent of her bringing back sweet memories of us together, before all this shit happened.

"did you ever even love me?" i suddenly blurted out. the arms around me loosened.

"are you serious? you were the first girl i fell in love with. you were the first person i introduced to my parents. you think i never loved you? i loved you with all my heart."

"chloe... then why? why did you fall out of love with me? where did i go wrong? what did i do?"

"no beca! it's not your fault at all, it was me. it was all me. i-"

her phone vibrated against the table. a notification popped up on the screen. "it's him, right?"

she didn't reply.

"you didn't love him at first, that's what you told me."

"yes."

"but you grew to love him."

those words settled upon the silence between us, heavy as it is. a tear rolled down my cheek. i stared down at the floor again, watching that teardrop fall onto the floor, splashing against the marble tiles. i barely saw my reflection in the marble. i looked broken; i was broken. i gulped in a breath of air;

"so why?"

"i don't know. i wish i knew, beca, i really wish i did."

my thoughts slowly enveloping myself, i felt another tear roll down my cheeks. i was stone cold, although it was in the middle of summer.

"what could i have done to make you stay?"

"there's nothing you could have done. you did everything right, i just... fucked up."

i looked up at her, astonished to see that her eyes were welling up with tears of regret and guilt.

"beca, i don't deserve you. i never did. i don't know what i did in the first place to deserve someone as wonderful as you. i'm sorry for leaving you broken. i hope you find someone else who won't fuck up like i have, someone who will give you all the love you need to keep you happy. beca mitchell, i love seeing you smile. i love seeing you happy. but i've fucked up, and it won't ever be the same again."

"i think i should go." i speak, hurt laced in between every word i spoke. i headed over to my bags, all packed, placed right behind the door as if i knew this was going to happen already.

"beca! don't go!"

"i really should." i picked up my bags and reached for the door handle.

i turned around.

"chloe, i hope he's better than me. i hope he can provide you with more than i could ever provide you with. i hope he was really worth the change. i hope you make him feel loved and comfortable. i hope he really makes you happy, chloe."

i wished those words would come out as bitchy and spiteful as i hoped they would, but they didn't. i genuinely meant every word i said. i loved the woman standing in front of me with all of my heart, and that's what happens when you genuinely fall in love with someone. i could't bring myself to be spiteful and spit bitter words of hatred at her.

i took one last glance at her, looked into her beautiful baby blue eyes, now bloodshot, and turned the door handle.


	2. chapter 2: record store

\- beca's pov -

i turned the door handle.

i gingerly took a step forward, and the door closed behind me. i took one last look at the house me and chloe shared. the sweet memories we made here came flooding back; that one time we baked cookies and accidentally burnt all of them because chloe accidentally set the timer to 3 hours instead of 30 minutes; that one time i came back home from the studio on valentines day and she had prepared a delicious valentines day meal for two, with rose petals scattered all over the floor; that one time she was hungover after a party and i made her a hangover-cure breakfast; at this point in my train of thoughts, i was standing in the middle of a busy road, and the sound of a car horn had brought me back to reality. the driver raised his middle finger at me and drove on. my vision was blurry, and it was only when i looked at the street lights that i realised that my eyes had welled up with tears.

 **3 years later**

"beca!" a hand grabbed my wrist and dragged me into a record shop.

"you didn't have to drag me, i'm naturally drawn to music, honey." i reply with a smirk playing on my lips. she was hailey, my girlfriend of 2 years, a chick i met at a party.

she planted a kiss to my lips, and intertwined our fingers as we strode into the store. we walked through the rows of records, filled with albums from any artist you could possibly think of. i showed hailey some of my favourite albums, and she showed me some of hers. i was always surrounded by music, and she knew damn well that music could always lighten up my mood. walking around the shelves was like finding my way through a maze, and my surprisingly short height did not help either. at least hailey was tall enough to guide me.

all of a sudden, i caught a glimpse of a tuft of red hair behind the shelf, on the other side.

i froze.

the red hair was all too familiar. despite not seeing her for 3 years, i could recognise her anytime, anywhere. once upon a time i had spent every single second of my days with this woman, and i had grown to become too familiar with her appearance, or just with her in general. she looked up and saw me looking in her direction. she opened her mouth, about to say something, but i turned towards hailey.

"hailey, coming here for a date is the sweetest thing we've done for a date in while! _babe,_ we should come here more often!" i was being sickeningly sweet, and i knew it. i knew chloe was watching from the end of the aisle. i interlaced our fingers, and tip-toed to plant a light peck on hailey's cheek. i wasn't looking at chloe, but i knew i was making her blood boil; i could feel her glaring eyes, filled with fire, boring into my soul.

we continued strolling through the store, and every now and then i'd catch a glimpse of a redhead lurking behind a corner near me, pretending like she was just casually picking out albums and vinyls.

 _"you shout it out, but i can't hear a word you say; i'm talking loud not saying much..."_

no way, i thought to myself, no _fucking_ way. out of all the songs the store could be playing, they played this song. my mind flashed back to when i was singing this song in the shower at the university, and a redhead came barging into my stall, demanding that i sing this song for her. the harmonies made their way back into my head, and without even knowing it, i was humming the harmony to the song that happened to be still playing in the store. i saw the top of a redhead's head come bobbing up and down the aisles towards me. "hailey, we have to go. right now." again, without questioning it, hailey trailed behind me, towards the exit of the store.

just as we were about to leave the place, a flash of red stopped us in our tracks.

"don't leave." she calmly spoke to me. hailey looked at me in confusion, but i focused on the beautiful ginger in front of me.

"hailey, i'll stay here for a while, you can go first, i'll meet you for brunch tomorrow."

"beca, but-"

"hailey, leave. please."

i watched as her figure slowly disappeared around the corner of the street outside the store, and my focus returned back to the woman in front of me. i felt like shit for just suddenly ditching her like that, but i can't escape from chloe anymore.

neither of us spoke a word. we just stared into each other's eyes. those baby blue eyes... they've only grown more beautiful in the span of 3 years. or have i not seen them for too long?

another minute of silence passed by.

"so... where is _he_?"

"i broke up with him the day after you left."

"then who are you seeing right now?"

"no one."

her voice had a hint of sadness in it. i looked at her; my eyes scanned past every detail of her. 3 years later, she still looked exactly the same, except that her red hair had grown a tad bit longer.

"why did you break up with him? you _loved_ him." i sounded bitter.

"i did... until you walked out. the moment you walked out, i felt like i had lost a piece of me. once you were out of my sight, once the door closed, i felt someone had ripped a part of my soul away from me. beca, i didn't realise."

"realise what?"

"i didn't realise that such a huge chunk of my heart felt so emotionally attached to you. you left, and i sobbed for days; i couldn't eat; i had to call in sick at work just because i had no strength to pick myself up and carry on. beca, i didn't realise that you were the one i truly loved."

i glanced up at her from the wooden floor, and i saw that her eyes were filled to the brim with tears. and then i felt a tear roll down my face.

imagine this: two girls, a brunette and a redhead, standing right in front of the exit of a record store, looking at each other with tear-filled eyes, tear drops rolling down their cheeks. that's exactly what we looked like.

"chloe, when i left, i cried for days on end; i resolved to going to night clubs to drink away my sadness in an attempt to forget everything. and that's how i met her, the girl who i was just with."

she put her hands on my shoulders and spoke to me in her calming voice, "beca, look, i know i fucked up. i never should have done that. i know i'm wrong, and if you could give me a chance again, give us a shot again, maybe things could work out better..." her voice quivered at the end.

i slowly nodded, my mind replaying her words over and over again.

"beca, look at me. take some time to consider this; i promise i won't break you, ever again."

her eyes, filled with some sort of hope, were still blue as ever. she leaned in, and her lips touched my cheek.

"um, no bye i have to go, um to, the studio, um, i'm kind of late, bye." i shifted away from her kiss, and made a run towards the door. in the reflection of the glass door, i saw her, tears spilling from the corner of her eyes.

as the door closed, i heard a sob. the door closed behind me, shutting out any noise from inside the store.

it pained me to see the woman i once loved so much to be in such pain, but the damage was done. a part of me still felt for her, but no, we were done.

that was the second time i closed a door on her.


End file.
